I'm old and bitter

I try not to write too much about other people's blogs on here because I don't want to sound like a jealous/weird/stalker-y bizzo. But the things I read are on my mind a lot, and stay with me, so it comes out from time to time.

I haven't checked in on Style Rookie in a long time, which it turns out is OK because she hasn't posted in a while. But mostly I stopped reading it because I was feeling an insane, weird form of jealous nostalgia that got me thinking about when I was in junior high and high school.

You see, children, back then there were no Internets. There were just zines, which I basically didn't find out about until it was too late, and Sassy magazine. These were my guideposts to what might somehow be cool. Oh, and older siblings (like my sister). That was huge too.

Now, I'm not saying that being born at the wrong time is all that stood between me and stardom; that I could have been another Tavi Gevinson. Because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have, even if I had all the advantages in the universe.

But I am a little bitter at how easy it is to be cool in the age of the Internet. I am a little jealous at kids who grow up being able to connect with this whole community of other people who are into all the weird, silly, amazing, distinctive stuff they're into; who can share images and ideas and song lyrics and self-portraits with more than just their BFFs.

I can imagine my 14-year-old self cultivating hundreds of pinboards, or relishing in a daily-outfits blog to showcase the stuff my schoolmates scoffed at. 

I keep thinking of the two photo albums I had when I was in high school. One was pictures of me and my friends; particularly, I used to make my friends take pictures of me when I was wearing what I thought were particularly awesome outfits. (The two-different-colors-of-Doc-Martens, purple tights, plaid overalls and pigtails day comes to mind.) Then there was another album, which I filled with clippings from fashion magazines. No one other than me, really, ever saw that second album. And even as I was doing it, I wasn't sure what it was for. I just wanted to save these images, to remember them, to somehow stake my claim on them and make them part of my life. And it was the only way I knew how to do that.


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